If I'm not alone, I get by. When I am alone, my mind wanders to all the things I had hoped to do with my little girl and I sob. I think about all the fun ways I was going to curl her hair or how I was going to teach her everything I know about becoming a ballerina. I miss her. I miss her jabs to my ribs. I miss feeling her squirm when I laughed. I miss not being able to learn who she is...outside of my womb. I miss not even knowing what color eyes she has or if she has dimples when she smiles.
I feel good about laying her to rest here in Virginia, but am having a hard time knowing that I will be so far away from her when I leave here this week.
My husband leaves to go back home tomorrow and I am scared to sleep alone at night. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night because I thought I felt her kick, this happens a lot. I guess this is all still a bit surreal.
22 comments:
It is tough but you are tougher. It's ok to cry and miss her. You are loved! You are never alone. I wish I could hug you!
Keep doing what you are doing. If you didn't feel a little empty inside it wouldn't be right. I know you are strong enough to make it through and so does our Father in Heaven, he trusts you will do what is needed to be with her again someday. Your strength is inspiring.
I know we hardly know each other, but I can honestly say that I think about you everyday and I cry for you too. I am praying for you and Jake.
Love, Kacey
Celeste, just as your husband said you are the bravest and strongest woman. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, and I imagine leaving her next week will be excruciating, but remember that you are only leaving her body. Her spirit will always be with you. I am sure Heavenly Father has a special plan for her and that you will feel her presence often. No one can truly know when you will stop grieving her loss, maybe never, but I know Heavenly Father will not leave you alone in this. Don't be afraid to ask your husband for as many blessings as you need, the Comforter is there for you. You are in my prayers daily!
Jake and Celeste... our thoughts and prayers are with you during this most difficult time. We admire your strength and faith.
Love,
Alissa, Nathan and family
Celeste,
Those tears, I know them so well....Just know I am here for you when you come home and whenever you want to take a road trip to Virginia...let's do it. You have been such a support to me this last year since losing our Angel Evan...I will be here for you....and I will cry with you. Sending lots of love,
Angela
It's good to cry. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Celeste, I've been reading your last posts, and haven't even known what to say after reading them. I know that there isn't a whole lot that anyone can say to comfort you and your family. You sure have been through a lot, and my heart aches for you. I pray for your comfort and healing and hope that you can find increasingly larger moments of peace amongst the turmoil you are feeling.
Thinking of you Celeste!!!
Love you Sis! When u don't want to be alone, Call. Call one of us! i know thats what i need to do somwtimes/ i love u! Miss u , sorry i cant be there
Celeste,
I just happened upon your blog and couldn't resist writing a comment, I hope you don't mind. We just had our 1 year anniversary of our little 19 month old passing away. I know there aren't words to help you with mourning your sweet Elizabeth but there are a couple of talks I felt comfort from that I wanted to share with you. One is "Tragedy or Destiny" by Spencer W. Kimball and "Salvation of Little Children" by Bruce R. McConkie. These gave me "answers" in a sense. Time will only heal but it's ok to cry. Know that my prayers are with you and your family. ~Marlo Walburger
You guys are just so amazing, we are sending you all our love and prayers! I hope you are feeling such LOVE from the Lord, cause he loves you guys SO MUCH!
(By the way, I love the new picture on your header, from the wedding I imagine. What a great looking group. :)...)
Oh Celeste, My heart is just hurting for you. I remember feeling so many of the feelings you are having..I would feel my baby girl kick me at night, and I so wanted to pierce her ears.. oh Celeste, the lord loves you, so greatly, cry, cry, cry miss her she loves you so much and know you love her. Our heavenly father has such an amazing plan for us even if we don't understand it. You will find strength in yourself you never knew you would have. I remember on time soon after our baby was stillborn also and I was jsut sobbing and driving down the road, and I stopped and prayed at a stop light and the lord just gave me a great peace, I pray that you will find that peace over and over with each prayer with each momment that you need him and miss your sweet angel. You and Jake amaze me with the trials you have over come and you will walk hand and hand and walk thru this also. You are loved by so many and I hope you feel the love and prayers. Like so many of your gainesville friends, if you need to talk please call me and I will be there for you. What a precious baby girl you have.. I treasure your posts that you have shared with us.
Hey Celeste,
I'm sorry for how rough this is going to be. You are entitled to grieve and cry and mourn and hopefully it will lessen over time. Let me know if you need anything before or right when you get back in town. Also, tell Jake to let us feed him while you're away! We are missing you guys!!
We have always been amazed by the two of you from the day we met you! I can't fathom the emotions you are feeling, but please know that we are constantly thinking of you and praying for you. I am so glad to hear that you are drawing so much nearer to the Savior through all of this! He is the best one give peace and comfort in our most difficult times!!!
celeste and jake i frequent your blog once in awhile to see how things are going. I am so sorry for your loss. i cried as a read your story. i lost my first pregnancy, i wasn't close to as far a long as you, but it was really difficult for me so i can imagine how hard this must be for you. it is not something that you easily get over. it seems like you guys have had a lot of trials with your kids and you have got to be one tough cookie by now. again i am so so sorry. my thoughts are with your family.
Celeste you are in our thoughts and prayers here in LA.
Oh Celeste, my heart goes out to you and I have cried for you. I just can't imagine. We are thinking of you guys and praying that comfort will stay with you.
It breaks my heart to read this, I'm just a little further along in my pregnancy than you were and I couldn't be as strong as you are if I lost this baby now. Your family is in our prayers.
It's been a week since I came across your blog. I think about you and your family everyday. I just wanted to tell you how proud Heavenly Father must be of you. You are in everyones prayers.
We are our just so amazed by you and your family. We are praying for you and I want you to know you are such an example to me. I think so many people are strengthened by observing your testimony and faith during this challenging time.
I don't know what to say Celeste...my heart just aches for you guys and all that you're going through. We're praying for you and thinking of you guys often.
Hi Celeste. We have a mutual friend, who told me about you last night. I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl (Macie) last October, at 37 weeks gestation. She was my 3rd and I also had a c-section. At the funeral one of my aunts who had experienced something similar told me "The next three weeks are going to be CRAZY. And then it will get better." As hard as that was to fathom and understand, it was right on. Time does heal, and the pain becomes less and less while the memories and sweet experiences become stronger.
I will be praying for you. I still cry when I hear of others going through something so painful. Make sure your husband gets to talk about his feelings too...I felt like my husband was left out as everyone was so concerned about ME for those several weeks/months.
God bless.
Cheri
Post a Comment