i haven't document hardly anything from this pregnancy. partially because if "something happened" it would be easier had i not connected with this baby. but now...just a couple weeks away from my c-setion date, i finally feel like i am going to have a baby. We set up the crib, loaded the drawers with his clothes, purchased a stroller...and most importantly gave him a name.
the name thing was big for me. we've always named the babies as soon as we found out the gender, but i didn't want to give this baby a name for fear -like i said before- it would make it harder had he not made it to delivery day.
the last nine months have been exhausting, on me and the hubby. every week it was something. i'd wake him up telling him i thought something was wrong with the baby, or call him at work telling him i was going in to get the heartbeat checked again because i was certain the baby hadn't moved in hours and even making him pull his stethoscope out to check for himself if he could detect a heartbeat. i knew that being pregnant again after delivering a stillborn (and then miscarrying 7 months later) would being emotionally draining, but it has still been a battle.
Heavenly Father has calmed my nerves on several occasions, which has kept me sane--for the most part. my doctor has taken care of me and allowed me to come in once a week since my 7th month. a lot of doctor's appointments, yes...but it has been nice to only go 6 days between wondering if all is well. even now, my heart starts racing as i walk into the doctor's office wondering if that day will be the day i hear bad news.
(at 7 months)
with that being said, we are sure excited about adding this little guy to the family. the boys remember him in their prayers and are making big plans for him! It's been 4 years since I've had a baby and 6 years since we've had a newborn in the home (c didn't come home from the hospital until 3 months). i find myself feeling like a first-time mom again needing to read up on all the baby books.
